I am Suffering and Confused...

i love you~~ your supposed to know...but then i understand how you feel...like you say you can't be with me...you can give up, but i can't...

i really can't give up something that is important to me...you say your wish for new year is for me to be with someone else...i kept on thinking and going through everything in my mind~~~

i ever thought if that is what you want...i really thought of taking that step. although taking this step can hurt me but it can hurt everybody else around me.

how can i take that step? how can i do it? i can't make you happy..i can't make him happy...i can't make my family happy... why i can't make anyone happy...

i don't want to hurt anyone..do anyone understand?

what if i never existed? i really tried not to exist but i am afraid...what if i leave then everyone forget about me? i tried smiling to myself in the mirror~~ but it failed..but i will try my best in front of you all...

i have been hurt so many times..i can still accept all those pain..i will try my best..^^

Just a Fake Jewel...

Love is something that is wonderful and warm especially when the couples are meant and willing to be together...

But there is this little girl that can never experience the love the she wish for to come true...

In her life..there are this 2 guys..she let go of one of the guys due to her family~~ and no matter what she just had to accept the fact that it is something she can't change and there is no other choices...

During a period of time..her heart and soul suffered till she met another guy that is nice and cares for her...he is willing to be there and listen to her inner-self..she gave another chance for her heart, hope and on him~

She told him that she loves him and he loves her too...but as days and time pass by...things started to change. He is getting further away from her..and the way he treated her is so different from the first time they met and her hearts were getting in pain~~~

She tried her best to believe in the hope she had placed on the new love...but in the end~~ she not only hurt herself..she lost her hope.

Yet she kept it in herself so that he will never know~~ she does not want anybody else to get hurt but her... and on the night of Christmas..he told her to be with someone else... this from his mouth hurts her more than anything.. the only thing she thought and hope had just disappeared in a blink of an eye.

She then realized that love is not the best thing for her...and it is something she will never get...

Please! Don't!

it's time for me to give up...i really want to give up cause it keeps bringing pain and sadness to me...whenever i think about it..it makes my heart to suffocate~~

doesn't he understand how i feel...if he can't accept me i don't mind...but treating me in the way that i hate most of all...

~ i dislike it when a person never reply my messages
~ i dislike it when he treats me differently after what had happen
~ i hate people that change suddenly and starts ignoring me

i really don't understand...if he says that he is busy and tired..i don't mind.

i really don't like this feeling and pain and this f**king hope that is just fake from him.

friends keep advising me not to think so much but the way he acted is keeping my mind in that situation....it's not what i wanted also...

please don't play my feeling...please!! i am begging you! please don't play tricks to my mind and feelings..please!!!

Just Maybe

today..18/12/2010~ it's a bluish day

i feel really down today cause i have to go back to the place where everything begins and the place that brings me a lot of memories and pain...

and today will also maybe the last for me and him~~ he is dumb...^^ i guess he haven't read the messages i made for him in the stars~~ when he reads maybe he would understand how i felt....

i wish time can freeze for awhile for me to relax...it is suffocating me. i keep thinking of him, the "cute" and the one that has been there for me all this while..the Magician...lol~~but whenever i start to think of him..i will remind myself...

"He never did love me" ~~ when i think about this...my heart really felt the pain and emptiness....it maybe the easiest way to let go and forget something that is never mine...really felt like crying ...maybe i cried too much already that i don't have any tears for myself~~

PS: you maybe stalking my blog...just want to say sorry...love you always~<3

It's Ok

There are things that happen because we can't control it~~

I never blame you for what he did cause it's my mistake too~ i should have stop it so he would not be feeling this guilty~~

I am sorry for what had happen and sorry to have it happening...

Stop saying sorry cause i never blame him... i just love him..that's all

~ in that short moment...maybe it's my wrong..i just thought of trying and taking out the first step to completely forget the past...

I just love him and i know it is wrong already...but i have my reason to continue what we did..that's all

But please..i am begging you...please don't treat me differently about what had happen...it's really not your fault. please don't~~

Just a Short One

Wake Up

Just wake up girl!!~~

WAKE UP!!!

He will never be yours!

He will never see you!

He will not think about it!

Wake up!!!

Stop thinking!

Stop hoping for it!

Just leave him alone!

Wake up!!

You have no right to love!!

Your not suppose to be like this!

Why don't you just wake up girl!!

Snap out of it!