It's Been Awhile...

I don't know to start from where...

My life in my hometown as in during the holidays is fine and going along quite well. Family~ still ok...Relationship~ Still complicated...

Whereas in KL here, with all my friends and housemates, everything is well and nice except for one only...Her. I don't know or never expect her to be so different and seriously she got some attitude problems. I am getting more of the negatives of her, and I don't like it more.

Friendships that thought could have last for a lifetime ends when the true nature of it reveals. There will be no turning back. What has been done is done...A gap, then there will be a gap~

A Day With Emotional Conflicts

I don't know I can say it out or not...but i really don't like today...i seriously feel disappointed and upset since yesterday.

"A gain is still a lost..."

A Different View Of Me~

Again and Again

It's been awhile since things seem to get out of hand for me. I thought it would just pass easily but its the other way round. They are parted away from me and i had to be alone.

Why i want to care so much about what they think about me? And about what they do to me? Its not my business and problem. If this is what they want, then i let them be..do as they please~

I just want myself to be fine and nothing else. Wishing the time would just pass by faster than usual. To leave the place and see no more. I don't know how much longer can i hold this act again. Its really me curious cause i do not know the reason why at all.

I don't blame you if you don't want to tell me the problem and why your doing this to me... If this is what you want, then i will do according to what you want and u pleased with.

What more do i need to listen and see and bear with?!! I don't want to act and see you all act in front of me. Maybe is like what you said, "I can't accept the fact."

Thank you for your words.. I will always remember it in my life.

Trying to be Strong~

On the 25th of April~ i am really happy and strong...in a really happy mood where i get to smile when i do everything~

I smile when i wake up..
I smile when i shower..
I smile when i eat..
I smile when i study..
I smile when i listen to music..
I smile when i play with my friends..
The whole day smiling to me and everybody else..~^_^

On the 26th April, just after 12 midnight...my mood change..my smile is gone~ everything is gone~

She said, "You have the problem in accepting the fact."
She said, "You have the problem in facing the problem."
She said, "You have the problem in listening to others."

All those...do you know the reason why? It is easier said than done..I am not you or anyone else or anyone different.. I am just me...my character is like that, and that makes me special~

But those characters, it brings me a lot of pain and harm to my heart.. i am trying my best to ignore the things that i don't want to see at all. But yet, i still went to see it... I really hate this feeling so much!

I want to be strong...my heart wants to be strong~ To face it...but what you said, it makes me think about the things that i am about to forget...it stings my heart~ do you know that or not?

Your my beloved friend...i know you bring me no harm...but your words stings me..i don't know what is your purpose of doing it...

A morning~

Ah wei...supposedly to be my ex now~ but yet i still care for a him a lot...

I always told him to give up on me and forget me...well, he never did forget me but now, he changed too...maybe its for the better him but not for me.

I don't what am i supposed to think at all~~ it's really giving a pain.

A night~

Last night, if i did not saw what i saw, i maybe still fine like everyday. But i did saw it which i really want to escape. He messaged my friend. The moment i saw it, a sting was there...

I don't get it. Why is my heart so weak? Why am i so stupid? Am i that weak?

I could not sleep the whole night. And cried in the dark where nobody knows the whole night...after a cried of exhaustion, i fell asleep.

When i woke up, i can see the sun..the warm sun that i need to make me feel better. I don't know if i can face my friend or not. Since i am living with her...I don't want the moment i saw her, there is a sting in my heart again and again. It really seriously bothers me a lot.. i don't want to suffer~

Please make my heart stronger and not to be that weak~